First of all I advise, no strike that, I plead with you to begin watching a series by Andy Stanley at http://northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating/
I am mostly speaking to my fellow singles, but I promise that unless you are under a vow of celibacy for the rest of your life this series is GOLD. I have always loved his teaching, and this particular series inspired my thoughts which inspired this post.
I will start by saying that I have been intentionally working over the past few years (more so the last couple) on becoming a man God would trust one of his daughters with. Truth be told, I thought I had surely done enough by now and was honestly pretty down and out about still being single. I hate to say it, but it was a struggle not to be bitter. In spite of this, I have steadily been praying for God to continue molding me; I never even noticed my prayer being answered…
While looking through Andy’s sermons online and trying to make a choice I came across the linked series above and figured there would be some helpful information in it. I won’t try to cover everything Andy does (because I want you to watch them SO badly), but there are a few revolutionary thoughts contained in them (revolutionary in that they have been in the Bible all along, yet not talked about very much). The basis is a question, “are you the person the person you’re looking for is looking for?” You see, if we seriously want a strong marriage it is very important for us to work on becoming a person that the one we are searching for would be interested in. Perhaps the best thing we can do is to begin through prayer and devotion to allow God to transform us instead of looking for the “right person.” Andy spends a great deal of time talking about the “right person myth”, which I am embarrassed to say I fell for, at least partly. The problem with us looking for the right person is that the other person is doing the same thing; neither one is actually preparing for marriage but is counting on meeting someone who won’t require him or her to be patient or kind or __________. As I looked in the mirror I realized that regarding my longtime struggle with a warped view of women and lust, I had been counting on meeting the “right woman” and then all the problems would vanish. WRONG! A little common sense would tell us that single problems follow us right into marriage and resurface as even bigger problems. Andy challenges all the singles to take a year off, to mark the calendar one year from today and not date until then. I have decided to take the challenge up, not that I’ve been seeing anyone, but when I was honest with myself I need a year without being “on the lookout” to become who I’ve been called to be. I’m not pushing anyone else to do the same; I just want you to watch the series, but if you believe the year could be as good for you as I feel it will be for me then I encourage you to join me. A year is a long time, but for me I believe it could easily add many years worth of happiness and possibly avoid a ruined marriage way down the road.
I just want to ask you one last time to at least check it out and ask yourself two questions:
Am I the person the person I’m looking for is looking for?
Could a year spent becoming the person God called me to be result in me meeting the person of my dreams and/or saving a marriage later?