Fairly often I re-realize something. I mean that I stop to give deeper thought to something I already knew.

I have been in a war with myself over being unemployed. I never thought I would still be unemployed this long after graduating with my bachelor’s degree. God has shown more times than I can count that He is trustworthy and will provide. Jesus said not to worry, that the Father knows what we need, to worry first about His kingdom. I know these things, but it has still been difficult to not become bitter or a little angry. Thoughts have continually crept into my head along the lines of, “what else do you want me to do? I really felt like I was obeying by going back to school and have tried to always do your will in preparation for a career?” Yet here I sit, in some ways more confused than ever.

If you’ve never been unemployed, it sucks after a couple weeks. It was nice to catch up on the things I’d been wanting to do. It’s still nice to write when I want, play guitar when I want, stay up late and sleep in. BUT . . . soon you begin to feel bad, guilty, worthless, unsuccessful. This is where I am. I feel horrible sometimes. I have applied everywhere I can think of where my degree would count for something. I feel like I’ve knocked on every possible door to little avail. I KNOW there’s a plan, and I KNOW I just need to push forward and trust.

I KNEW that God owns everything. It’s all His. I KNEW that I am a joint heir with Christ. In a sense, everything belongs (or will belong) to me as it’s my Father’s and I will have free use.

I actually stopped to think about what that means today. The student loans are what bother me most. (Debt kills me after a really bad decision or two that cost me big time.) BUT, what am I worried about. Jesus is Lord. This all belongs to Him. He can give me as much money as He wants. The question is how will I use it as a tool? It is nothing for Him to get me in the job He wants me in. He knows I borrowed the money to go to school with the aim of serving Him. He’s got this. He’s got me. He’s got you.


Feel Free to Comment!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s