Disclaimer: this post is in no way meant to reflect on the relationships of any friends, Christians, or anyone else in particular. This post is simply in regard to what I have felt over the years when listening, observing, or just thinking.
I’m at a wedding this weekend, or more accurately in one. It’s my first. I’m put up in a nice beach house and enjoying some time with my best friend and basically brother before I probably get to see little of him anymore. Seeing how I’m in the middle of wedding atmosphere it’s made me think a lot about my future relationships.
There are, for me, several deal breakers I’ve come up with. I’m not talking about divorce, but things which would very possibly abruptly end a serious long term relationship or even engagement. I’m not sure why I feel the need to write this, but just maybe it will do someone some good.
Deal breakers: (in no particular order, and to be potentially altered or added to in the future)
**think of each as not a one time occurrence, but a pattern I suddenly pick up on**
–demand: She demands a lot. This could look differently, but boils down to a has to be her way type thing. She demands a certain amount of time each week, an elaborate expensive wedding, or has a long list of requirements for a mate. The last one has often been a deal breaker for me before even getting to know a woman. Even if I measure up now, it’s easy to see that I eventually won’t.
–snap: she snaps at or cuts me off in public. I probably won’t hang around if it continues in private, but there’s basically 0% chance in public. Thats just no way to treat someone you love. I do my best to not demean someone, especially in front of others, and won’t tolerate receiving it.
–ridicule: she ridicules me to her friends or even alone. I dated a girl who was extremely close to her mom, I was not like that much. She called that “stupid”, and I wanted to break it off. Simple.
–priority: I’m not a priority. I don’t want to take God’s place as number one, but I expect to be important to one who would be willing to say yes. If a career or friends or whatever else seems to be worth losing me for, you can bet it better be.
–fight/yell: I refuse to yell/fight/argue. Arguments happen. Period. If that can’t happen without fury I’m out. I rarely raise my voice simply because I don’t like to. That’s not who I want to be and I don’t feel it embodies Jesus at all. I won’t listen to it either.
–moody: she’s hot then she’s cold… Everyone has moods. I’m realistic. But I mean that she’s having a bad day and I am doing my best to be there for her or help and I get a crabby remark, cold glare, or just cold shoulder in return. I can’t see me marrying someone who can’t see past herself to others who have done nothing to deserve an attitude. A fruit of the spirit is kindness which is pretty much being considerate. REGARDLESS of my circumstances I try to treat others the way I would want and expect the same. Even when I’m in a terrible mood I work hard to not take it out on the people around me. I’m not likely to hang around if it’s not returned.
What are your deal breakers?