Fightin’ feelins

Today was supposed to be my deadline. I thought surely by now I would have a job of some sort; if not I planned to seek out my options regarding money I owe. Turns out I can’t postpone payment, and I can’t even seem to get on at a furniture factory. Seriously?! I’m NOT that ill adjusted. I don’t light up a room, but I’m charismatic enough when I want to be.

I wont bore you with lots of details. I have no clue what to do next. While I do know better, it’s extremely hard right now not to feel as if God has left me hanging. I fight that because I know that when the plan comes together it would seem foolish in hindsight. I’ve been crying out for months just wanting some guidance, which seems to have fallen on closed ears. Hence, another thought I’ve been fighting off. Again, I know better.

I wanted to write this simply because I also know that like me, you sometimes know better, but it doesn’t make you feel better. I feel let down right now; I feel like I’ve tried so hard to do right by God to no avail; I feel frustrated and ready to give up. BUT, I refuse to let my feelings set my course. I can’t imagine what it is right now, but there’s a purpose in this pain. This too shall pass.

Join me in being honest about your feelings, but please don’t allow your feelings to get in the way.

~Fresh

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2 thoughts on “Fightin’ feelins

  1. GOd Will Not Save Any of Us!! We Are God and the Idea of what we think of as God, I will go with Niche Famous statement “God IS Dead”….I Gave Up on An Omnipotent Parental God that Helps and Saves and Aides. I don’t want to be disappointed anymore. I was raised devoted Catholic and went to Catholic School….I was Indoctrinated, Brainwashed to a Belief that has no Basis in Reality. To Believe is to be a victim of circumstance and to be continually disappointed. You Must be the Peace You seek….No That is Something that i continue to chase in my own inward and outward demeanor. Try reflecting on Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Caroline Myss. Seek Your Peace, Carve Your Destiny, it is the ONLY HOPE for Peace and Happiness!

    • I’m afraid I’m the wrong person to argue this with. It’s too late; I’m souled out. Things get tough sometimes, and my faith is stretched occasionally to the limit, but I have found my home. I hate you had that kind of experience, sincerely. I was “in church” at a young age and left it behind. I didn’t have time for God. I tried being my own God, directing my own life, making my own choices. I was empty and miserable, and there was no meaning in my existence. I had no hope and no peace; at best I would remembered by a few when I’m gone. I have found peace in Jesus. I live for more than myself. NOW I have hope and peace. Not that it is never upset, but I have calm even in the storm. I found the Rock at the bottom. There is no where else for me to go; no one else offers me life abundantly.

      Every time I have been disappointed it has been my own doing, even this time. I will post soon about it, though I understand if you don’t care to read it. He will show up. I have surrendered and stopped looking for the “right” path and looking to Him. He will take me where He wants me. He fed 5000 with a few fish and loaves. He will provide. I trust God with all I’ve got.

      I have no intention of arguing any further. This is where I am. I spent countless hours in years past preparing to argue for God’s existence. In the end, the only proof I need is that he personally met with me and won me. It means little to me whether anyone believes me or not. I know Him, and He knows me. It is anyone else’s decision to accept or reject that.

      You have my best wishes.

      ~Fresh

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