The heart wants

For the vast majority of my life I would have never believed I’d say this, but I really and genuinely miss being in a relationship. When I was younger I just kind of always did my own thing; I preferred going hunting or fishing with my friends. When one of them would get out of a relationship I would be so excited that we could bro it up all the time. It confused me when they began immediately seeking the next girlfriend or female interest. I wondered why, after finally getting their freedom back to do whatever whenever, they would want to jump right back in. I think I get it now; maybe it’s age, maybe maturity, but I get that feeling now. Perhaps it’s more about wanting to bypass loneliness or the pain instead of dealing with it; or maybe it’s more about just hoping to keep from dealing with change.

My head knows that I need some time alone for now. Even after my year off from dating there’s still plenty for God to work on inside of me. There are still dark spots, bad attitudes, and baggage I’d rather not carry into a serious relationship or marriage. But the heart, I know you’re familiar too, it wants company, comfort, companionship. Sometimes when my heart and head are wanting two completely different things I just have to cling on to what the Bible says about the heart, that it’s above all things deceitful.

So here’s me wishing you not that you’d ignore your heart, but listen to it in context, that you’d consider maybe, just maybe listening to your gut or head long enough to figure out which one God has more of a grip one. I think we all know the heart wants what it wants, but if we’re being honest that often means it disregards what it right and best. I have followed my heart right into a spiritual or emotional trap too many times; here’s hoping God has granted us enough wisdom to know the right move this time.

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