I’m frightened right now… scared that my suspicions are correct, that it’s not coincidence how all roads seem to have been heading towards one end.
I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in education in 2013. By the time I finished I already suspected that teaching wasn’t my place and that I had wasted four years. A little over half a semester teaching quickly confirmed that notion. I retreated to manual labor jobs where I’m not always happy, but comfortable. And that’s where I’ve been ever since, wondering if this it for me.
Our Father in heaven has been changing me drastically on the inside lately. I wrote a while back about the importance of what breaks our hearts in relation to our calling in this life; in that piece I said the porn epidemic in the Church was my heartbreaker. But that has been quickly expanding to all things sexual: porn, addiction in general, assault, rape, and the like. It’s been bothering me for quite some time wondering what I can do to change how the Church reaches out to people dealing with those issues because, frankly, it has mostly been swept under the rug.
While I tried to figure out what to do about it a frightening thought crossed my mind and heart: “If you are the one whose heart is broken and you are the one who wants to do something, then aren’t you the one who should head up the effort?” Why is that terrifying? Because the following thoughts are that maybe my path is going back for a master’s degree in counseling. Starting over, again. Staying up late to write papers, again. Working the next day, all day, again. Personally bearing the burdens of the ones I want to love and help, again.
Y’all, I want to help, to change things, to reach out in Jesus’ name. But this will cost me: time, money, effort. I haven’t even prayed about it yet; I’m afraid I already know the answer.
Here’s the thing: to follow Jesus means living a life not about what We can get but what we can give.
I ask you the same questions I’m facing myself…
What breaks your heart?
What if you leaned into that and gave your time, money, effort in His name?
What if we flung off the prison of wondering what’s in it for us and focused on what we can give?
Can you imagine how the world would be changed if we just got this one thing right?