This One Thing: Porn

The battle with pornography has been a long one for me, way too long. As of a few weeks ago it’s taken a drastic turn for the better, and I couldn’t be happier… Or sadder.

A thought occurred to me after stumbling upon a website called the taste of honey ( tasteofhoney.org I think). It’s a collection of stories from women, and some men, who’ve experienced some form of sexual assault. I stopped reading midway through a particularly disturbing account of a college freshman (who did all the right things to avoid what happened) who was gang-raped by three men, one of whom she knew. I couldn’t tell why God wanted me to go back and finish reading, but I knew deep inside I had to. As I read her story and others I started to realize something.

I asked myself what I always have: “how could any guy enjoy doing something like this to a woman who doesn’t want it?” “Where did that come from?” And then it hit me, I’d nearly bet my life each one of the guys who did these things had a history with porn, just like me. They watched a girl who “clearly” wanted what she was receiving; nevermind her grimace, nevermind the drugs she numbed herself with, nevermind that she could’ve been his sister (or daughter someday), nevermind the scenes cut out to make it look enjoyable. They learned what women are, what they’re worth, how they should give us men what we want, that that’s how they want to be seen and treated. I knew I had to kill this, but I had never realized just what I had been a part of. I never allowed myself to consider that I was more than a viewer… I was contributing.

Of course rape was around before porn. Of course men are responsible for their actions. Of course it’s not all porns fault.

Perhaps some guys are just dirtbags. Or perhaps without knowing it their brains learned to see women as less than; the videos weren’t enough anymore. It was time to make their own movie. Sex feels good; of course she wants it. She just needs to resist a little for show. It sounds exaggerated for effect, but it’s only human nature to justify our natural fleshly desires.

This awakening has changed this part of my life forever. I can’t go on contributing to this culture, and I must contribute to the healing.

Ladies, what if you refused to settle for a guy with any level of porn problem? Make no mistake; no matter how much he wants to love you he can’t love you how God intends. He will want you to be the girl from the flick.

Single guys, what if you refused to continue seeing women this way? What if you stayed single until this thing is dead? It’s a completely different life and/or marriage on the horizon.

Married guys with a problem, what if you confessed now before you get caught? What if you got angry enough to commit to whatever it takes to leave this behind and fight for your wife? A year from now, two years from now, you love her. You don’t want her to be your favorite porn star anymore, because she’s worth more just like that actress.

Every woman is a daughter. Many are sisters. Many are mothers. Most importantly, all are created in God’s image with hearts and souls. They do not want you. They get paid to make you feel like they wish you were there. They want to be seen as more than a piece of meat to toss a towel to once you’re finished. She matters. I highly recommend denying yourself the permission to believe or act otherwise.

What if we, the Church, just got this one thing right?

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7 thoughts on “This One Thing: Porn

  1. I wouldn’t have a problem adding porn watching to my long list of items I have on my ‘disqualifying list’. Though I think if guys knew that some would just hide the fact they do it. I’ve watched porn before, I didn’t understand the male appeal. I remember thinking that my imagination was better than the stuff plastered across the television screen.

    • Oh I’m sure most would, but then I’m sure you would find out eventually; lying of that nature I’m sure is on that list too.

      Truthfully I can’t even articulate the appeal. I could say maybe it’s because …. And insert several different excuses. I only know how addictive it has been in my past and how damaging I believe it is.

  2. The fact that I won’t date a man who looks at porn means that my man is a unicorn… because most men look at porn. I have been single for four years if that helps put it in perspective… But it’s worth the wait because I’m NOT going to be with a man who fills his mind with that garbage. It’s unhealthy in so many ways.

    • Sadly that’s the case, and today’s relationships are paying the price. Not to mention the damage we men are doing to ourselves in the process. I’m glad you refuse; I wish more would do the same. It’s a life and marriage ruined for sure, which I’ve gotten a taste of first hand.

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