. . . is certainly not my only flaw, not by a long shot. I have had to face the fact that it is one of them though; I’ve been telling myself this whole time I’m just being considerate and this is how a follower of Jesus is supposed to be. It’s time to stop fooling myself, to stop covering the reality, which is I’m just a people pleaser.
I knew all along really, but I didn’t want it to be true, I guess because it’s so easy for me to just try to keep everyone happy. I can hardly bear for anyone to be angry or upset with me. Maybe it goes right along with my OCD, like another compulsion in my long pre-existing list?
You know what I’ve come to realize? Jesus wasn’t very nice during his physical time here. He was to some people sure. But I am certain based on my reading there were many people, especially religious leaders, who would never have used the word nice to describe Him. We find Him being compassionate all the time, considerate of the broken people around him, kind to the people no one else would associate with; I don’t think I’ve ever found Him just being nice for nice’s sake though, which is what I do.
I seem to be incapable of saying what needs to be said about 90% of the time. There are many times in life when someone needs to hear something uncomfortable, and those are when I truly drop the ball. I just try to be nice to everyone, and now that I think about it isn’t good for anyone.
Don’t misunderstand me here; I don’t ever want to stop treating people how I want to be treated. It’s just that somehow I have to start living to please God instead of people. If my funeral were to happen soon I don’t want anyone to say, “he sure was nice.” I’d like them to say I stood up for the little guy, told the truth when it was hard, was a friend to those no one else wanted to be friends with, didn’t shy away from difficult topics, called out those who were wrong to their benefit.
I don’t really know where to start, but that’s okay; I know someone who does.